The Beige Blur

by bkajlich

My family had an awesome Ford van when I was growing up.  It was beige with brown trim, brown leather seats and a stick shift that had a hole in the bottom so that if you squinted you could see the asphalt fly by.  I loved that van.  My mom was the coolest van driver ever and ours was always the first vehicle filled for class field trips.  She let us listen to whatever music we wanted and even “van danced”. These days, van dancing would likely be reported as “drunk driving”, but back then the only thing it promised was that maybe Steve Johnson would think my mom was so cool as she swerved our car back and forth to the beat of the music that he would like me a little more too. Maybe even enough to ask me to “go” with him(my parents always asked “go where??” but I digress).  My mom drove that damn van everywhere; to school, on field trips, to band practice, to ballet lessons and choir concerts. To friends houses, and the mall, and to pretty much every sport practice that ever existed, anywhere.  She drove around so much that in our small suburb of Seattle, that van and my mother earned themselves a nickname: “The Beige Blur”. When I hunkered down for my sit this morning(well actually yesterday morning, it’s 2am as I write this yikes!) I found myself rushing through my meditation. I wasn’t really paying attention, just going through the motions so I could get on to the next thing I need to do.  Suddenly I remembered the beige blur.  I though about how often we focus on the destination, and not the actual journey.  How many things do we accomplish in a day where we don’t even remember the actual act of DOING?  The funny thing about meditation is that it’s not just about what happens on the cushion.  It’s about how you use the lessons learned when you’re off it.  Everything can be meditation.  When we eat, when we play, when we talk, when we listen.  Be in the moment.  Be here now.  The crazy thing about my mom and the beige blur is that what people saw on the outside, wasn’t really what was going on in the inside.  Yes, it looked like a blur coming and going. But inside that van were people talking, listening, laughing, engaging and living life in the moment.  The journey WAS the destination.  Van dancing and all.  xx