During tonight’s sit, my mind kept drifting to my sister. We had talked earlier in the day and I was supposed to call her back and I forgot. She lives in London, finishing her final year of vet school and so by the time I remembered it was too late to call.
I have the BEST sister in the whole world(and no, I am not biased). She is beautiful, smart, caring and kind, funny as hell…. and aside from my mother, the only other woman who knows me better than I sometimes know myself. We have not always been such dear friends. There are five years between us and throughout my teens there was little upon which we could find common ground. As we grew older, we got closer, and now I can’t imagine a time when we didn’t practically finish each other’s sentences. There is a term we coined for ourselves and the way that our conversations flow from one topic to another without concluding any thought as we move on to the next. WEBWEAVERS. Newcomers in our lives often stand by wide-eyed and bewildered as they try to follow topics that seemingly arise out of silently communicated thoughts already processed in our giant heads(and I mean giant literally, we have HUGE heads…. not fun to go hat shopping with the Kajlich girls). However, no matter how far we deviate from the original conversation, we always bring it back, loop around, tying up all the dangling bits with a thorough conclusion at the end. It’s quite impressive to witness.
I do not question whether or not my sister loves me. It is impossible not to be clobbered head on by the sheer force of a love that radiates outward and wraps itself around around me like a shawl that will never slip from my shoulders. I carry it with me daily, hourly, by the minute, on the second… and the fact that an entire continent and ocean now separate us has only strengthened the bond that surely has existed before we did. I am so PROUD of Anya. She is an amazing friend and spiritual teacher. She has helped me more than she will ever know, to stick with my practice and continue to look for ways in which to educate myself. She holds me up to the highest level of her expectations(which is annoyingly freakishly high sometimes) not because she has unrealistic ideals for me, but because she KNOWS that I am damn well capable of achieving and surpassing what she sees possible for me.
She is the reason I started this blog. She has her own, about a year of running, along with my mom’s about a year of walks. Anya was the catalyst for all of us, and it has already enriched our lives and our relationships in so many beautiful and fascinating ways.
We do not make a habit of telling the people in our lives how much they mean to us. How many times have you thought something lovely about someone and kept it to yourself? What good does it do inside that head of yours?
Anya. I love you and think you are an incredible, inspiring, bold and brave human being. I am so blessed and lucky to be your big sis. Thank you for teaching me so much about myself. You make me think of this quote by Marianne Williamson:
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.
It is not just in some; it is in everyone.
And, as we let our own light shine, we consciously give
other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.
Thanks dear sister, for letting your light shine, and giving me permission to do the same. Love you, xxB