Every Day

by bkajlich

I really had no idea what to write about tonight.  I’ve had a day.  I hate going to bed saying that I am happy a day is over, but that’s how I feel about today.  It just sucked, for lack of a more eloquent expression.  From the minute I woke up, I could feel it coming on… one of those days.  Some days you can choose it to be a good one all you want, and it just isn’t meant to be. Can’t pinpoint why, although I am guessing eating candy like I was 8 years old all day yesterday probably didn’t help.  Sugar hangovers are the worst.  The only thing to do was to greet it with open arms and let it be the stinker it was bent on being.

However, I also don’t want to glorify it and let it have it’s own starring role in my post this evening… no no no, that won’t do.  So as sat down to write tonight, I thought about what the heck else I could write…. oh google, my old friend.  I typed in the word “ME”.  And that is how I came upon the above video, which fascinated me to no end. First I thought “good lord, how vain” and then remembered my own little vanity project I’ve got going on here and felt slightly hypocritical and mean. And then, as I begin to really pay attention, I started to think and feel all sorts of things….

I thought about how much time and effort we put into our hair and clothes, and when viewed in this manner… you realize how insignificant and unimportant they seem.  They change and flit by like nothing. We are actually held by his face, and mainly, his eyes. And isn’t it interesting how little they change?

It also made me feel sad.  Yes, yes, the cliche; “life is short”. But it IS!! This is serious business people. A friend of mine who often administers last rites told me of a 90+ year old man she sat with in his final hours.  As she held his hand and prayed with him he turned to her and whispered “It was all just a blink”.

When I sit, everything in my life comes down to one thing. ME. More specifically, MY BREATH.  In those moments, I do not care about my clothes, or my hair, or what car I drive, or how much money I make.  I do not fear life, I even forget about fearing death.  In those moments, I am the most alive I have ever been… because I let go of all that STUFF that in my everyday life gives me a false perception of what living means.  Death is described as the “Great Equalizer”.  There is no amount of material possessions on this earth that will allow any one of us to avoid our great fateful day, and you certainly can’t take any of it with you…. so why do we live our lives every day trying to prove otherwise?  If it will not matter in the end, why do we allow it the power to matter now?

I struggle with this daily.

Every day. A lifetime’s worth seems like a lot. But one day, it will all be just a blink. A montage of snapshots that made up a life….

But it is our life, and lest we forget, we get to choose what we will see….  xxB