I wish I was a baller…

by bkajlich


I wish I was a little bit taller, I wish I was a baller…. Oh Skee-Lo. I got this little ditty stuck in my head today as I sat in an office full of absolutely stunning, beautiful women all waiting to meet on a film project. Each time the door opened, a new candidate walked in with even LONGER legs, even more perfectly coifed hair, even sultrier sexy skin, and even more impeccably styled clothing. I found myself playing the wishing game. “wow. I wish I had her small waist. gosh, I wish I had her effortless style. hmmm why doesn’t my hair look like that when I throw it in a ponytail??”  I started thinking about how often I do this to myself.. absentmindedly making a mental list of all the things I wish I could change about me. Seeing things that others have and wondering how I could be better/cooler/hipper/etc if only I was like that too. A girlfriend of mine is in this really cool band and the other day I started wishing that I could be that rad girl up on stage, singing her heart out and getting all artsy fartsy while remaining cool and edgy at the same time(this is apparently something I have longed for and yet never knew until I saw artsy fartsy that remained cool and edgy and then I was like “OMFG I WISH I COULD BE LIKE THAT”) and I guess it’s resonated with me deeply enough that it’s time to get back on the ol’ blog and write about this shizz.

Now. For SURE, someone at some point has said to you that “YOU SHOULD EMBRACE YOURSELF AND BE HAPPY TO BE YOU AND IF WE WERE ALL THE SAME  IT WOULD JUST BE BORING” and while that’s true, it doesn’t really help when it feels like you damn well got the short end of the stick.

Here are my two cents on this subject:



And while it may seem insane that certain people who appear to have it all could POSSIBLY find something to moan about, try to remember that it’s all relative and I’m betting even Gisele Bundchen looks in the mirror some days and wonders what all the fuss is about. And the bottom line is that it all has very little to do with superficial things like longer legs and 6-pack abs. Those are just the excuses that we tell ourselves to explain why we’re not happy. The truth is, we are all just scared shitless that we are NOT ENOUGH. We are hoping and praying that somewhere, somehow, SOMEONE will show us that they believe we are as important and as special as we secretly dream that we might be.

And oh my darlings… how right you are. You are that and so very much more. Only, no one needs to show you. The only person who can ever get you to understand the true nature of your perfection is the same one who looks to every other person and mutters those two little words… “I wish”.

I’d like you to ask that person a question. (if I’ve lost you, it’s you. I’m asking you to ask yourself a question, comprende?)


We’ve gotten wrapped up in some cockamamie notions in this day and age and one of them is that you have to have an identity and stick with that til mother truckin kingdom come. WHY???!!! WHO MADE THAT STUPID RULE??! Let me tell you! Sometimes I am outgoing and loud. And then some days I’m an introverted hermit. Sometimes I be a clown! I can be an artist, and I can be the critic. There are times when I am buttoned up and others when I am LOOSEY GOOSEY WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!  Today: Vegetarian. Tomorrow: CARNIVORE!!!! There are times when I am the baddest mofo out there and others when my friends and family have probable cause to shove me off a cliff because I am THAT BIG OF AN IDIOT.  There are spans of time when I am so poetic and beautiful and I feel like mother earth… and then I’ll wake up one morning and fall straight flat on my ass and the next few days I am a complete disaster, hot HOT MESS. Stop limiting yourselves by defining who you are based on some archaic societal concepts. BE WHATEVER YOU FREAKING FEEL LIKE!  You are a spectacular, pulsating, iridescent orb of energy that is a waking breathing MIRACLE every SECOND of your time on this earth!!!! YOU YOU YOU ya nutbar!!

SO. Stop wishing. Start being. Let go of the things you can’t change. Explore the wonder that is you. Imagine what gifts you bring into a waiting room full of human beauty. Maybe next time, instead of noticing the girl with longer legs, or the guy with with the 6 pack abs, you’ll feel the warmth of her smile and the depth of his heart.

my love to you all. xxb